Some Suggestions on HOW TO DAD

Number ONE in a series.

Children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.
Prov.17:6


This booklet is the travelogue of a Dad who has gone the route. It is my experience with God in raising my six kids; my successes and failures as I tried to obey Him. It was sometimes difficult to accept where He seemed to be leading because it went contrary to convention. I sometimes acted directly contrary to the advice of Dr. Spock (who later recanted, you know) and Dr. Dobson, but the results of our exercises (my wife played a huge part, of course) are evident in the lives my children are leading now.
None of my children ever touched a controlled substance. The boys did some experimenting with tobacco and alcohol, but they have given up smoking entirely and their attitude toward alcohol is healthy. Now in their thirties they are all well into their careers, all but one being a self-paid college graduate. There is an accountant, an engineer, a telecom and website marketer, a teacher, a farmer and a housewife. Their spouses are all saved and the interesting part is that they and their spouses are all regular attenders at the same church, or branches of it, that we as a family have always attended. There are thirteen grandchildren so far with more hoped for. All twelve of these minds are in accord with mine about the raising of children even to the extent of corporal punishment. All of my children and their spouses are on very good terms. They regularly gather together and include my wife and myself. They mourn when a planned gathering must lack one of them for some reason. Many summers we all vacation together at the ocean resort where our family has been going for 25 years. I think God touched us. He gave so much grace and helped us to use it. He is to be praised for any successes I had as a dad. He uses us as a vessel; a conduit. If we will allow Him, He will do wondrous things.
I have not experienced every situation that could arise for a parent. I don’t know how I would have dealt with a kid who got caught up in gangs or drugs. I hope that the reason I didn’t have those woes is that I laid the ground-work early enough and was diligent in building on it so that my children were sort of immune. None of my children had chemical imbalances or other physical reasons for aberrant behavior except for one who used Ritalin later in college so he could concentrate in class.
Child-rearing is a serious pursuit. You really have to devote yourself to it. If you think it is something that you can do off-handedly you may end up dealing with hard cases of evil later. It doesn’t take all of your time. You don’t have to give up your career. But you must go further than mere promise-keeping. I never spent long periods in prayer over my kids. I asked often, simply, just as you would ask a friend, for help.
What kind of a man are you? Are you self-assured? Are you attractive to women? Have you ever hosted a Bible study in your home? Do you spend a lot of time detailing your car? Do you and your wife pray together everyday? Do you like church or is it an obligation? These and other questions are good to answer for yourself. We men need to know who we are.
We can read about ourselves in the Bible but shrug off the references to lust of the flesh unless we have looked within to see who we are. The spirit of man is “like a lamp searching out the innermost parts”. Be honest. The most important attribute of a Christian is honesty. Honesty with self is positively necessary. Then, honesty with God. Honesty with others is good too, but honesty with your kids is paramount. If you are honest but not sure, though, about how you are doing as a bond-slave of Jesus Christ, pray. Ask God to reveal to you how He rates you. “Search me, oh God, and know my heart; and see if there be any wicked way in me.” If you are not willing to go through these exercises put this book away. It’s not for you.
God told Abraham to walk uprightly before Him. God likes a man out front where He can see Him. Actually, He wants us out front where we realize that God is watching. God sees us anywhere we are but He wants us to be comfortable carrying on our activities under His gaze. Being aware of this will help us with the activities we choose. If you have confessed your known sins and asked God to reveal the unknown ones to you and are aware of your weaknesses you may now congratulate yourself on having something on which to rest your self-esteem: the ground. And there is no better ground to be on than the holy ground at Christ’s feet. We must be cast upon Him if we are to succeed. He said “without me you can do nothing”. If you don’t believe that you will fail at Dadding.
The biggest sacrifice you will make as a dad is giving up the life-style options you may have had if you’d had no children. Kids will form you. The Bible says that if you train up a child in the way he should go, he will not depart from it. Well, I’ve got news. Kids train us too. Your kids will press you into a shape that you will retain the rest of your life. Are you ready for that? It can be a nice shape or it can be horrible. If you give your life up to Christ and He gives you children, and, if you lay down your life for them, you will find that what it will make of your life will be far superior to anything you ever dreamed of, back when you used to dream! If you think that what the next pages say is good, I want you to know that you can do it too.
Don’t necessarily copy me, though. Hear me? You probably won’t have to do what I did. You may not be able to do what I did. You may be called upon to live a harder life than I did. I knew a young couple who asked my daughter how did your parents do this? How did they do that? No good. You go to God. Live your own life with your kids in front of God. This book is a testimony. It is a model. I give advice, but, take it or leave it. Your situation will vary from mine. The most important thing is to be sure that you are cast upon the Lord Jesus and allow Him to lead you in your quest to be a dad.

The next installment will be posted very soon.

The Land

The Land of Canaan was the promised inheritance of Israel. They did inhabit it physically until they were dispersed for chronic sinfulness. Prophecies say they will inhabit it during the end times. Some of the descendents of the tribes are there now. Whether they are evicted and return again for the events that are prophesied is a question that some people have. But no matter. They are the rightful heirs of the physical Land of Canaan. (Did you know that the Palestinians of today are the same people as the Philistines of long ago?)

During the church era, many have spiritualized the stories about the Land to a small degree. We have a lot of references to “crossing the Jordan” and “seeing all the saints that are on the other side”. These are mistakes that infer that the entering of the spiritual Land for the Christian is death. Many think going over Jordan is the passing into the heavenly sphere. This idea comes from the reference in Hebrews to “entering into rest”. You often see this phrase on gravestones i.e. “JOHN DOE entered into rest such and such a date”. Many Christians know that there is more to it than that. What I want to summarize here is not original with me. It is what I have read and been taught by many who have lived in the last centuries. It is recovered truth from the time of the Reformation and after.
The foundation for apprehending the significance of entering the Land, to a Christian, is an understanding and acceptance of the subject of the “types.” The word “type” is derived from the word “Tupos” which is translated “examples” in 1 Corinthians 10:6 and also verse 11 where it says that things that happened to Israel were a pattern for us. The “us” there is the church; the Christians. The problems that Israel had in the wilderness and then in the Land were pictures of the struggles of the Christian against the flesh and then against spiritual wickedness.
Also, in the 8th and 9th chapters of Hebrews with particular attention to Heb. 9:9, and all the context, we are instructed as to the connection between the physical things that God gave to Israel and the spiritual things he has given to us. Note particularly how that the tabernacle was a pattern of the site where God’s presence could be accessed, the sacrifices were pictures of Christ’s sacrifice of himself and the Law an example for us of God’s mind and the standard by which he must condemn sin and sinners. I write to people who can read and who have the indwelling Spirit of God. You can, for yourself, scan and focus on the many aspects of this subject and glean a lot of appreciation for the High Priesthood of Christ, the priesthood of believers, the symbolic nature and appearance of the implements and furniture of worship and the description of the Holy One of God by means of physical and visible things.
For example, did you ever think about how the luggage that the Levites carried by hand through the wilderness looked to those who were not a part of Israel? It was all covered with a drab kind of animal skin. It did not attract the eye. But under that skin was the covering of the tabernacle, and all the golden implements of worship. The inside part of the tabernacle covering was embroidered with gold thread. Pictures of heavenly beings. But outsiders never saw this. To them what the Israelites were carrying was just a bunch of junk. Today, people who are outside of Christ think he and his things are just a bunch of junk. This is what Jesus meant when he said "unless a man is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."
It isn’t a surprise that in Hebrews 4 God continues the teaching of 1 Corinthians 10 along the lines of our position and responsibility as well as his promises. We are admonished to enter into the rest. Enter the position that belongs to people who are in the Land. This position is one where we cease from our own works. And not for justification. This is a companion book to Galatians where those who are addressed are already justified (Galatians 3:3). There is no issue concerning righteousness here. The question is “now that you are saved, are you appropriating what you have been given?”
We have the power of God. We are able to pull down strongholds. We have God fighting for us. We don’t have to work up a sweat. As the Lord drove out the inhabitants of the Land before the Israelites, he uses us as earthen vessels that have no strength. We have no strength in anything but Christ. We rest on him and in his name we go. He drives out the enemy by sending the hornet.
The problems that Israel had in the wilderness were like our problems in the flesh. They lusted. They wanted to go back to the fleshpots of Egypt. Back to the onions and garlic. They doubted God and relied on their own strength. In Deuteronomy 8 God says that he brought them all the way through the wilderness to humble them and see if they would obey him as they had promised. This is why he has us here in the wilderness of this world as well. We are here to do some things for him, sure. But more, it is to teach us how weak we are and how much we need him.
One place they had to go before they could enter the Land was Gilgal. Here they were circumcised. This is a picture of cutting off the flesh. They rolled the flesh off and with it the reproach of Egypt. Egypt is a type of the world. Pharaoh who is a type of Satan, had them enslaved in his world serving the priorities of the world just as we were slaves of sin before our salvation.
The Passover, with the blood of the Lamb on the door, was a type of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Along with that, the passage through the Red Sea (death with Christ) was their salvation just as the cross is ours. We died with him there as they figuratively died crossing the floor of the Red Sea on dry ground. They didn’t have to get wet and we don’t have to enter into any of Christ’s suffering for sin. He finished it all Himself.
Once safely over the Red Sea, Israel could have gone straight into the Land that was promised to them. They insisted on sending in spies, though, and the report was that this Land would eat them up! Only Joshua and Caleb said that actually the inhabitants would be food for Israel, this being a type of the development that we can experience in growth when we are walking in and with the Lord. So, God denied that generation the privilege of going in and it is this to which he refers in Hebrews 4. We are admonished to not make the same mistake. It is scary in the Land. We have to depend on Christ. There is no more depending on our own devices. There is no more depending on the friendship of the world. We do not know what awaits us. Some Christians feel it is exciting to live the eternal life.
The enemies in the Land are spiritual enemies. They are the ones referred to in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5. They are “imaginations” or the thoughts that dominate the world as in the end of 1 Corinthians 1 and part of chapter 2. “Philosophies and vain deceit” as it says in Colossians 2:8 and the enemies that are discussed in that chapter are the same ones of 2 Cor. 10. These enemies are ideas. They are developed systems of thought like religions and philosophies. Islam and Existentialism come to mind. They can even be forms of Christianity that are not true, like Roman Catholicism or the cults that call themselves Christian. They occupy the spiritual ground in history. They say they are the ones who can speak authoritatively for matters of values and normality.
Fighting against them involves using spiritual means. This can take only the forms which are described in the Bible. For example, in Ephesians 6 the Christian is told what he needs to fight such battles. The only aggressive weapon is the Bible. And the Bible has two edges. One for the enemy and one to be used on ourselves. Always judging ourselves even as we contend for the faith. We take back the spiritual ground that materialism and humanism and all the other trends have occupied by intruding there with God’s word, speaking the truth with boldness. The ground is won at the rate of one person at a time. But the trials of fighting other ideologies increase us and nourish us. They are truly “food for us”. As such, we are able to bring a portion of the victory to the worship to be offered as the spoils of the victories the Israelites had were offered. There, at the worship, others can “eat” within the gates and be nourished. This is a picture of testimony to each other building up each other in the faith.
It has been the experience of many that they are not always on the “leading edge” of warfare for God but seems sometimes to be back in the wilderness yielding to self or even indulging in the world of Egypt. This is possible. Since this is a spiritual experience, and we are liable to walk in the flesh as well as walk in the spirit, we often elect to walk in the flesh and in that condition we are of no use to the Lord at all.
“Let us labor (endeavor) to enter that rest.”

Christian Brain-washing

In the late 1940’s, there was war in Korea. U.S. soldiers fought against the North Korean Communists who wanted to extend their totalitarianism into South Korea. During this war, quite a few American servicemen were captured and “brainwashed” by the North Koreans. This was the first time the term “brainwashing” was used to describe the changing of a person’s mind by torture. These G.I.s were deprived of sleep and human contact, and were threatened constantly that they were to be shot the next morning. Even though it did not happen, the constant threat and the sound of gunshots every morning wore them down. In the end, they were in a state of complete dependence on their captors. They were ready to be told what to believe. They were told that America was the aggressor and that they should renounce their American citizenship and join the North in the war against the United States. Under a hundred men did so. They were paraded in front of news media and it was a great propaganda victory.
Can a Christian be brainwashed to believe doctrines which are contrary to the Bible? In some of the same ways, young people in the 1970’s and 80’s and, even probably today, were brainwashed by cults. One of the more famous incidents was the mass suicide of followers of a charismatic leader by drinking poisoned Kool-Aid. This happened in Guyana, in South America. The leader was American. They lived in a compound and he was king. He was a “prophet” representing God to them. They obeyed him to the death.
There have been many other examples of cult influence and this gave rise to “de-programmers” who were skilled in bringing escaped cult members back to reality. Some of these cults were less restrictive than others, but they all had one thing in common: a leader, or leaders, who insisted on obedience to their teachings. If one member didn’t comply they were not expelled, oh no. They were put through ordeals that were based on the same elements of brainwashing that the North Koreans had perfected: fear, discomfort and more fear. This continued until they gave in.
I know this has been a long intro to what I have to say, but it is necessary to provide context and background for this statement:

Be careful that people in Christianity do not brainwash you.

But, you say, this could never happen. I agree that it would be difficult to find widespread cult-like activity in the Evangelical Bible-preaching churches we all know. There are subtle possibilities, though, for a form of this to occur. You see it if you back away. It is the emergence of a popular custom that permeates the culture of the church to where it changes the teachings of that particular church. I say you can see it only if you back away. If you are involved with it and it is all around, you accept it and you become part of it.
For example: Christian psychology. In Christian bookstores you see a vast selection of self-help books. Usually, these books far outnumber books on, say, the teachings of Peter or the Book of Judges. Christian psychology was not always so popular. Sometime in the 1960s, someone came up with the term and began to try to counsel people who had anxiety problems using psychological concepts in conjunction with scripture. Some did not actually use the concepts developed by Carl Rogers, or B.F. Skinner. They use only the Bible and were, really, true pastors. But others were far more tuned in on what Watson started and they mixed psychological concepts with Bible doctrines.
A whole new industry grew out of that. The leaders of Evangelical churches endorsed it and taught it. By shear force the endorsements of the leaders, and with it, the peer pressure from the masses of Christians that began to follow their leaders in this new direction, almost all Christians today accept Christian psychology. There are some people who think they are wrong but they do not dare to raise their voices.
Another, more subtle change in the beliefs of the Evangelical church is the role of women. If you are immersed in a church that embraces the liberated role of a woman, it is hard to see how it has permeated church and family life. Again, without the teaching and preaching of church leaders to back it up, this doctrine would never have gotten off the ground considering how it conflicts with scripture. But you can’t see it unless you step back and view the whole picture. It is very unpopular to say anything against the idea that a woman no longer has to be subject to her husband.
Have you ever considered why there are Baptists, and The CMA, E. Free and Calvary Bible Churches, and so many others? And among Baptists, there are many different kinds of them. Have you ever wondered why? Differences of opinion on doctrine have divided them. Usually, spearheaded by church leaders, these differences have caused splits so that if you believe one way you will prefer the CMA. If you believe another way you will go to the E. Free church. Is this Biblical? Did Christ want these different divisions in his church? If you ask a church leader why the differences exist between churches, what answer do you get? More importantly, whatever answer you get, does it have in it the assertion that “we”, the church you are in, the church this leader you are asking is in, WE are right. The others are wrong. Did you ever hear that?
For example, one doctrine that divides a lot of Bible-believing churches is baptism. There are some really hard feelings out there between believers about what baptism means, what it does, how we should do it or whether it is even something for Christians to do at all. What do you believe about baptism? Why do you believe it? The most common answer to the last question is that Pastor So-and-so teaches it. Where did he learn it? From his pastor and so on into the seminary he went to. He chose his Bible school by what it taught about baptism. You believe what he teaches you because you trust him.
In Hebrews 13:7 & 17, it says something that most Bible believers hold strongly to. That is to revere and obey church leaders. Definitely, to regard them as experts in what the Bible teaches and to accept their explanations of the subjects of its passages. If you accept what your pastor teaches, chances are that the trust you have in him is related to these verses or others like them. And, there is nothing wrong in that.
BUT, (and you see there is a very big but here), there is a caveat. First of all, be sure that the people who are pressing a particular opinion on you are actually those who “have the rule over you”. Are they your legitimate leaders or do they just try to convince you they are and in truth they are not.
I once had a person who was prominent in my church tell me that if I didn’t confess that I believed the baby Jesus in the manger to have an adult mind in a baby’s body, that maybe I should be dis-fellowshipped. I have to say that it put fear in me. To be put out of fellowship with my family and so many other people I love made me want to believe his way. This is a mild form of brain-washing technique and it almost worked on me.
In Acts 17:11, we find that there was a group of people who lived in a town called Berea. After a church leader called “The Apostle Paul”, a man of no small reputation, preached to them, they still searched the scriptures to compare what he had taught them, with what God had said, to verify it. This is the proper attitude.
“Question Authority”. I saw this on a bumper sticker once. Just those two words, and I was repelled. As a school teacher I was finding that my authority was being questioned so often that I didn’t really want someone going around promoting it. But later I thought again. The only progress civilization has made has come from questioning authority. Otherwise we would all be drones living under some despot. If authority is valid it will stand the test. Now, please, I am talking about honest investigation. Not rebellion. I am even saying that we ought to never question the authority of God or his Word. Our attitude has a lot to do with this. I think you know what I mean.
In general, church leaders and authorities have good hearts. Their intentions are honorable. They take the responsibilities in Hebrews 13 very seriously. But it is easy for them to have been brain-washed and to pass that on to you. It is easy for them to be wrong because they were inculcated by parents who were wrong. Usually this inculcation is a mild form of the elements of brain-washing (constant repetition and the threat of disapproval) and it works. “I am a Baptist because my father was a Baptist and his father before him. Our whole family is Baptist. I will never be anything but a Baptist.” Is that a valid reason to be a Baptist?
Look around. See all the division in the church? Read what Jesus prayed in John 17. Step back. See how something unscriptural can become popular? What is popular now in the Church? Worship teams? Throwing out the old hymnals? Christian rap? How do we decide if such things are right or wrong? If we are serious Christians wanting to carry out the Great Commission (it says “…teaching them to observe ALL things which I have commanded….”) we have a big job. We can’t afford to be sectarian. We can’t do our job if we are members of a “school of opinion” (12th item in Galatians 5:19-21). We need to have God’s mind and not the mind that is forced upon us by peer pressure or any other pressure. Amen.