How to Dad Part 5
8 TO 12’s
Now is when kids really start to want their own way. They are very articulate about why it’s in their best interest to stay up late and have a skateboard and eat Big Macs for dinner. So, now it’s time to ratchet up our strategies to match. Here are some rules we laid down:
*You may not hang around on sidewalks or playgrounds with neighborhood kids in the evening.
*If you are out with your friends in the neighborhood, playing, you must come home when the street lights come on.
*No music is permitted to be played in your rooms and you may not use any head-phone music apparatus.
*You must play one musical instrument of your choice and play at least one sport per school-year.
*We do not have television because we don’t want you to watch it. Don’t watch it at your friends’ houses, either.
*No D’s or F’s allowed on grade reports. Period. End of discussion.
Now, a few words about these.
STREET CORNERS
Standing around, talking on the street, or in the playground is not good for kids to do because it lets the street culture into contact with them. There is an increased chance for the gangs to get to them. It is a place where they may relate to peers who would not be acceptable in another setting. If you let your kid play with Stacy because you know that Stacy’s parents are okay people, even though they are not believers (one can’t have everything), you can be comfortable knowing that she is playing with kids Stacy’s parents approve of too. When Stacy and your kid stand around with others from who-knows-where on the street, she is likely to be exposed to kids that neither Stacy’s parents nor you would usually want in your home. Coming home when it gets dark is the beginning of the idea of being responsible about coming home on their own. There’s nothing special about the lights coming on, as they will point out, but there’s nothing particularly special about being home at midnight either. Unless, of course you are Cinderella! But just as in developing a conscience, there has to be a formation in the mind about what is proper now so that there is some self-discipline later.
MUSIC
Music! What a joy. What a tool. What a problem if it’s Satan’s tool. I won’t go into that. You know about that. If not, read up on it. There is plenty written about it. But if it can be used so easily by our enemy, shouldn’t we regulate it in our children’s lives? Why should we allow them to listen to any garbage they please without our knowledge? We can’t totally monitor what they do in their room. We don’t have the time or the desire. Once in awhile we poke our head in. We should certainly not be rummaging around in their stuff. So, music in there is out of our control. It is especially out of our control if they are listening on a headset. We can neither see the label on the device nor can we hear it. Another good reason for banning earphones is that children can damage their hearing with loud headsets.
If their music is truly good music it should be played on the family’s main music system so all can experience it. Even if you don’t like it, Dad! This is part of your sacrifice. This is also part of discouraging them in the pursuit of trash. If they have to play it in front of you or not play it at all, they will, rather than be embarrassed, not play it. When their friends play it, they will have a conscience about it.
KEEP THEM BUSY
The busier kids are, the better. That is why we had the one-sport-one-instrument rule. Intra-mural basketball, gymnastics, art classes, and, yes, little league are all good time-fillers. Music lessons and practice are good too. Kids should play, though. They should have a lot of unorganized time. This is where they learn to think and be creative. So don’t insist on a lot of practice. In fact, I never monitored music practice. If they wanted to be embarrassed when they tried out for band at school, it was up to them. Guess what. I never had to mention that possibility. Just so they have fun. Music should not be a drudgery. If they are going to be another Yitzak Perelman you won’t be able to tear them away.
Same with sports. My son-in-law grew up wanting to play with computers more than anything else. He spent all his spare time at it. Now he makes a very good living at it and without a college education. He’s sort of the LeBron James of Microsoft. (actually, Lotus) No one had to force him. You do have to insist, though, that they try things. Exposure and entertainment. Not slavery.
We had no TV. When we told people they said “How will your kids keep up with current events?” and “There is a lot of good stuff for kids on TV.” Then they would lower their voice and say “I wish WE could do that.”
Our kids played. They didn’t watch others do things all evening. They did them. They made up elaborate sets for something one of them named “World Games”. One game was Library. They used all the story books. One got to be librarian and they had lots of paperwork and desks and chairs and phones and you name it. Then we had Doctor’s Office and Grocery Store. I liked Bank but when I played I could never draw out any real money!
HOMEWORK
Homework was their responsibility. We never nagged them. We always helped if asked but never gave the answer. They could manage their homework time as they would. This was one of the choices we allowed them as they got older. But, the grades had better be there or some of the play time would have to be usurped. We gave them the responsibility to manage their time just before and after supper. Bed-time was enforced so the homework had to fit in. They had to fit it in. We did not pay attention to this. We did not ask “Is your homework done?” We did not ask if they brought anything home from school. I refused to take on all that. That was the clutter of their lives, not mine. BUT! If the grades started to sag, they knew that THEN I would be on their case. And they knew I would not like to be doing that. And, they knew that I might just be a little unreasonable. That was a good motivator. But, Dad, don’t insist on all A’s!
And when they don’t bring home all A’s don’t go up to school and nail the teacher. You know, every kid is not a genius. And, you should know your child. If you don’t, you have no business evaluating his performance anyway. You have forfeited your right to do that. If your child is working as hard as he can and you have consulted with his teacher and she says he’s working hard, let him be. He may improve. He may come alive when he hits middle school and is exposed to languages or to music. Give him time and space to be a kid! Don’t insist he be a little adult. You don’t like it when people try to make you be a BIG adult, do you? Cut him some slack. This is a human being not a computer.
You will notice that there are times when a child is occupied with a task and will blurt out “I can’t do this!” Usually I would ignore it. But if they continued to show their frustration, and especially if it was schoolwork, I would investigate. If I could, I would show them how. That is, unless it would be something involving electronics. In that case I would be the one yelling “I can’t do this!?”
Now, it often happens that the child does know how to do it, but doesn’t want to do it. Or, perhaps the kid wants to do it better and can’t master the technique because of lack of patience. They are whining and crying over there and it is irritating. What they want is what you and I want when we are in that state. Sympathy. We don’t want to be told that we can do it if we try. If you tell a frustrated kid that they will just cry harder and slam things around. What I always did was to agree with them. I would just say that yes, it was indeed too much to ask of a normal person to do those things. And that if I were them I would just quit. Well, if your kids are well-adjusted, a product of the earlier work you did with them, this answer will bring them back to reality. They will think something like “The ‘Authority Figure’ agrees it is difficult for me but he is exaggerating again. Well, I might as well get at it. If I don’t, my grades will fall and the ‘Authority Figure’ will be on my case and this time he won’t be sympathetic.”
I could cite a lot of other things that teens struggle with but you know them. They are mostly issues of relatively small consequence. Failure to make the right decision in most cases will not result in permanent damage. These will be like the lion and the bear were for David. He was just a teen when he starred in this athletic contest. He had few peers to please. He had older brothers who despised him. He may have been struggling with self-esteem. God brought a lion and bear to test him out. As a shepherd He had to protect “a few sheep” so he had to slay those predators. God helped him and those two tests became not only the base from which he operated to kill Goliath, but the faith he used to continue to protect God’s sheep, the ”flock” of Israel when he became their King.
What happened inside David during those tests? I said he may have had a self-image crisis. Did God then show him that he had strength in himself to succeed? That he could look within himself and “reach down” and get what it takes to get the job done? No. From what David says he learned that his strength was in God. He says, “God delivered me from the lion and the bear and He will deliver me from this Philistine”.
What God expects to happen in our teen children, then, is the same thing. In all their struggles they should be looking to God and seeing that He is their resource in everything from how to pass a subject that seems beyond their understanding to how to deal with the sexuality which is so strong within their body now that they are often distracted by it. They will be able to successfully trust God and find their own place walking before Him, if you have prepared them.
The issues that adolescents face are very big to them. Sometimes, adults belittle them. It is true that lots of their problems are immature illusions. All this worrying that they are “ugly” or that they are “too fat” seems so silly to us. (Don’t forget that we did it too.) They “fall in love” bi-weekly. If they fail in dealing with these things, the failure will often teach them more than success ever would. It’s okay. They won’t lose their home, or their job, or wreck a marriage if they make a bad decision at the teenage level. God wants them to practice now on little troubles so they are ready when big ones come up later I am not speaking here of questions as to whether or not to be promiscuous; or an addict; or a gang-member. Teens who have to deal with hard-core issues have not had the care I have suggested earlier. For the well-grounded young person, the teen years will bring more normal childish conflicts of interest.
It’s not that their fretting isn’t ever serious. One experience that many teens go through is loneliness. The loneliness is not brought on because no one loves them. Scientists have found that there is an area of the brain that can scramble emotional perceptions for the period while it is growing. We need to assure them and understand them during this traumatic time. Some teens get through it quickly with no problems. Some teens commit suicide.
In many cases, they feel lonely because a “certain someone” that they love doesn’t love them back. This is a special kind of loneliness that has no remedy except time. While your teen may be blue, don’t excuse him or her from normal family life. At the same time be sensitive and don’t pry but encourage them in the Lord. It may sound odd for me to say that often this loneliness is a time when the Lord makes Himself close and personal to your child. It almost seems that this phenomenon is an important part of the adolescent system that God has provided for His own to use in their development.
If we encourage our children to use these times for prayer they can mature in Christ through them. Usually, they will pray hard that they will find favor with the special one. Whether this prayer is granted or not, it is usually a time of great spiritual exercise with the Lord and may be the first time the child has ever been taken with such a serious matter. Once in a while an event may occur in which a wrong decision will have severe consequences. As a father you must be watching and intervene where necessary. I’m going to go into that shortly, but let me make one last point: The world has made ship-wreck of the teenage phenomenon. Don’t you agree? They don’t know how to deal with it. It is a good thing for the saved. It will do the unsaved no good, because they do not have God’s in-put. God gave puberty to His people. He set it up so that Christian kids who have been prepared by Christian parents can use it to make the transition from a little person, who gets instructions from God through Dad, to one who gets his instructions directly from God. As Christians we can understand what goes on in this world much better than can the unconverted. The newspaper makes much more sense to one who knows God and His Word than to an unbeliever. What we see in the world’s wretched teen culture is their attempt to deal with this interval in human development. Use your understanding to help your teen see that, and you will help him or her a great deal.
SOME GUIDELINES
Don’t stop having Bible Time. It gets difficult when schedules are awry. The very activities you wanted them to do now take them away from the table. Okay. Keep on reading and praying. If you can’t see a way to move this to another time slot when everyone is present, just maintain what you have. Whoever is there, will benefit. Those who are away will too. How? They know that while they have been excused, there still are people at home who are meeting God while they are practicing basketball or whatever. You need to make sure they know they shouldn’t feel guilty about this. But they will start to consider priorities. They will weigh things and as time goes by they are going to realize that even though they have to be at work or at band practice or some other earth-oriented activity there is a an eternal activity that is going on at the same time. They will know this would be an eternally valuable place to be even though they have permission to be away. This is where they start to become convinced that spiritual things are more valuable than earthly things. And they will come to that conclusion without you nagging them — a means of imparting wisdom of dubious value.
Kids will do a lot of thinking. They consider the issues of life and come to conclusions very early, and they continue on, sometimes revising; sometimes confirming earlier insights. As a dad you want to share the thoughts you are thinking with them. This stimulates their thought processes and nudges them like a shepherd’s crook into the green grass and away from the edge. You should have been doing this from the time they were old enough to talk. Remember. Respect their minds. `
Tell them truths. Show them the Biblical basis whenever possible. Tell them what you wonder about and what some of your suppositions are. This gives guidance. You have been telling them about the things you are praying about and looking for answers to for some years now. Keep it up and keep telling them you are praying for them. Ask them if there is anything they would like included in your prayers. What bonding this creates! It does if you have been faithful to do it all through their growing years.
I know that many teens turn their backs on godly dads even though they were faithful in their responsibilities as the Bible has outlined. You just have to keep on. Don’t abandon now the things that you have done for so many years. Just as you have to keep punishing a misbehavior in a five-year-old until it seems that it will never be extinguished; suddenly, you see success. They will love you even more for it, Dad. Truly.
Now it’s time for more choices. Let them know each time they have reached a plateau. Tell them that now they don’t have to ask anymore about this or that. Tell them, for instance that they don’t have to tell you where they are going after school, but that you would like to know in case you need them or someone calls or whatever. You should be able to do this if you have been bringing them up right. As I related earlier, I told my thirteen-year-old daughter that I would not be punishing her anymore. She was so sweet and so responsible and so Godly. I knew she didn’t know it. So, I told her. I said that she was finished. A complete work of art. She didn’t need any more correction. From now on she should pray and read about her character and morality; confess to God and ask Him to guide her and convict her.
She was a rare one. I couldn’t do that with any other of my kids. I had to keep correcting one of them until he was twenty-one! Actually, I still did correct her some. But the approach was different. It was more on an adult level. My telling her that she was “done” had an astounding effect. She grew years in a day. She was so surprised and pleased. It also went a long way toward convincing her that Dad is usually right about things. You see, she thought she was grown up. Most kids do. They even tell us, don’t they? She didn’t. Not once. But she thought she was. My telling her she was showed her that I was wise and knowing. If I realized this great truth, what other stores of knowledge must I be privy to! It went a long way to getting her through the next years and keeping her virginity so she could wear that white dress and marry a boy who wore a white tux.
The more choices you can give them, the more experience they will have with the Lord. Of course there is nothing you can do to insure that they go to God about these choices other than what you have in-put to them all through the years. That’s the beauty of it. You don’t have to force anything. Now, your biggest power over them is in prayer for them.
Now is when kids really start to want their own way. They are very articulate about why it’s in their best interest to stay up late and have a skateboard and eat Big Macs for dinner. So, now it’s time to ratchet up our strategies to match. Here are some rules we laid down:
*You may not hang around on sidewalks or playgrounds with neighborhood kids in the evening.
*If you are out with your friends in the neighborhood, playing, you must come home when the street lights come on.
*No music is permitted to be played in your rooms and you may not use any head-phone music apparatus.
*You must play one musical instrument of your choice and play at least one sport per school-year.
*We do not have television because we don’t want you to watch it. Don’t watch it at your friends’ houses, either.
*No D’s or F’s allowed on grade reports. Period. End of discussion.
Now, a few words about these.
STREET CORNERS
Standing around, talking on the street, or in the playground is not good for kids to do because it lets the street culture into contact with them. There is an increased chance for the gangs to get to them. It is a place where they may relate to peers who would not be acceptable in another setting. If you let your kid play with Stacy because you know that Stacy’s parents are okay people, even though they are not believers (one can’t have everything), you can be comfortable knowing that she is playing with kids Stacy’s parents approve of too. When Stacy and your kid stand around with others from who-knows-where on the street, she is likely to be exposed to kids that neither Stacy’s parents nor you would usually want in your home. Coming home when it gets dark is the beginning of the idea of being responsible about coming home on their own. There’s nothing special about the lights coming on, as they will point out, but there’s nothing particularly special about being home at midnight either. Unless, of course you are Cinderella! But just as in developing a conscience, there has to be a formation in the mind about what is proper now so that there is some self-discipline later.
MUSIC
Music! What a joy. What a tool. What a problem if it’s Satan’s tool. I won’t go into that. You know about that. If not, read up on it. There is plenty written about it. But if it can be used so easily by our enemy, shouldn’t we regulate it in our children’s lives? Why should we allow them to listen to any garbage they please without our knowledge? We can’t totally monitor what they do in their room. We don’t have the time or the desire. Once in awhile we poke our head in. We should certainly not be rummaging around in their stuff. So, music in there is out of our control. It is especially out of our control if they are listening on a headset. We can neither see the label on the device nor can we hear it. Another good reason for banning earphones is that children can damage their hearing with loud headsets.
If their music is truly good music it should be played on the family’s main music system so all can experience it. Even if you don’t like it, Dad! This is part of your sacrifice. This is also part of discouraging them in the pursuit of trash. If they have to play it in front of you or not play it at all, they will, rather than be embarrassed, not play it. When their friends play it, they will have a conscience about it.
KEEP THEM BUSY
The busier kids are, the better. That is why we had the one-sport-one-instrument rule. Intra-mural basketball, gymnastics, art classes, and, yes, little league are all good time-fillers. Music lessons and practice are good too. Kids should play, though. They should have a lot of unorganized time. This is where they learn to think and be creative. So don’t insist on a lot of practice. In fact, I never monitored music practice. If they wanted to be embarrassed when they tried out for band at school, it was up to them. Guess what. I never had to mention that possibility. Just so they have fun. Music should not be a drudgery. If they are going to be another Yitzak Perelman you won’t be able to tear them away.
Same with sports. My son-in-law grew up wanting to play with computers more than anything else. He spent all his spare time at it. Now he makes a very good living at it and without a college education. He’s sort of the LeBron James of Microsoft. (actually, Lotus) No one had to force him. You do have to insist, though, that they try things. Exposure and entertainment. Not slavery.
We had no TV. When we told people they said “How will your kids keep up with current events?” and “There is a lot of good stuff for kids on TV.” Then they would lower their voice and say “I wish WE could do that.”
Our kids played. They didn’t watch others do things all evening. They did them. They made up elaborate sets for something one of them named “World Games”. One game was Library. They used all the story books. One got to be librarian and they had lots of paperwork and desks and chairs and phones and you name it. Then we had Doctor’s Office and Grocery Store. I liked Bank but when I played I could never draw out any real money!
HOMEWORK
Homework was their responsibility. We never nagged them. We always helped if asked but never gave the answer. They could manage their homework time as they would. This was one of the choices we allowed them as they got older. But, the grades had better be there or some of the play time would have to be usurped. We gave them the responsibility to manage their time just before and after supper. Bed-time was enforced so the homework had to fit in. They had to fit it in. We did not pay attention to this. We did not ask “Is your homework done?” We did not ask if they brought anything home from school. I refused to take on all that. That was the clutter of their lives, not mine. BUT! If the grades started to sag, they knew that THEN I would be on their case. And they knew I would not like to be doing that. And, they knew that I might just be a little unreasonable. That was a good motivator. But, Dad, don’t insist on all A’s!
And when they don’t bring home all A’s don’t go up to school and nail the teacher. You know, every kid is not a genius. And, you should know your child. If you don’t, you have no business evaluating his performance anyway. You have forfeited your right to do that. If your child is working as hard as he can and you have consulted with his teacher and she says he’s working hard, let him be. He may improve. He may come alive when he hits middle school and is exposed to languages or to music. Give him time and space to be a kid! Don’t insist he be a little adult. You don’t like it when people try to make you be a BIG adult, do you? Cut him some slack. This is a human being not a computer.
You will notice that there are times when a child is occupied with a task and will blurt out “I can’t do this!” Usually I would ignore it. But if they continued to show their frustration, and especially if it was schoolwork, I would investigate. If I could, I would show them how. That is, unless it would be something involving electronics. In that case I would be the one yelling “I can’t do this!?”
Now, it often happens that the child does know how to do it, but doesn’t want to do it. Or, perhaps the kid wants to do it better and can’t master the technique because of lack of patience. They are whining and crying over there and it is irritating. What they want is what you and I want when we are in that state. Sympathy. We don’t want to be told that we can do it if we try. If you tell a frustrated kid that they will just cry harder and slam things around. What I always did was to agree with them. I would just say that yes, it was indeed too much to ask of a normal person to do those things. And that if I were them I would just quit. Well, if your kids are well-adjusted, a product of the earlier work you did with them, this answer will bring them back to reality. They will think something like “The ‘Authority Figure’ agrees it is difficult for me but he is exaggerating again. Well, I might as well get at it. If I don’t, my grades will fall and the ‘Authority Figure’ will be on my case and this time he won’t be sympathetic.”
I could cite a lot of other things that teens struggle with but you know them. They are mostly issues of relatively small consequence. Failure to make the right decision in most cases will not result in permanent damage. These will be like the lion and the bear were for David. He was just a teen when he starred in this athletic contest. He had few peers to please. He had older brothers who despised him. He may have been struggling with self-esteem. God brought a lion and bear to test him out. As a shepherd He had to protect “a few sheep” so he had to slay those predators. God helped him and those two tests became not only the base from which he operated to kill Goliath, but the faith he used to continue to protect God’s sheep, the ”flock” of Israel when he became their King.
What happened inside David during those tests? I said he may have had a self-image crisis. Did God then show him that he had strength in himself to succeed? That he could look within himself and “reach down” and get what it takes to get the job done? No. From what David says he learned that his strength was in God. He says, “God delivered me from the lion and the bear and He will deliver me from this Philistine”.
What God expects to happen in our teen children, then, is the same thing. In all their struggles they should be looking to God and seeing that He is their resource in everything from how to pass a subject that seems beyond their understanding to how to deal with the sexuality which is so strong within their body now that they are often distracted by it. They will be able to successfully trust God and find their own place walking before Him, if you have prepared them.
The issues that adolescents face are very big to them. Sometimes, adults belittle them. It is true that lots of their problems are immature illusions. All this worrying that they are “ugly” or that they are “too fat” seems so silly to us. (Don’t forget that we did it too.) They “fall in love” bi-weekly. If they fail in dealing with these things, the failure will often teach them more than success ever would. It’s okay. They won’t lose their home, or their job, or wreck a marriage if they make a bad decision at the teenage level. God wants them to practice now on little troubles so they are ready when big ones come up later I am not speaking here of questions as to whether or not to be promiscuous; or an addict; or a gang-member. Teens who have to deal with hard-core issues have not had the care I have suggested earlier. For the well-grounded young person, the teen years will bring more normal childish conflicts of interest.
It’s not that their fretting isn’t ever serious. One experience that many teens go through is loneliness. The loneliness is not brought on because no one loves them. Scientists have found that there is an area of the brain that can scramble emotional perceptions for the period while it is growing. We need to assure them and understand them during this traumatic time. Some teens get through it quickly with no problems. Some teens commit suicide.
In many cases, they feel lonely because a “certain someone” that they love doesn’t love them back. This is a special kind of loneliness that has no remedy except time. While your teen may be blue, don’t excuse him or her from normal family life. At the same time be sensitive and don’t pry but encourage them in the Lord. It may sound odd for me to say that often this loneliness is a time when the Lord makes Himself close and personal to your child. It almost seems that this phenomenon is an important part of the adolescent system that God has provided for His own to use in their development.
If we encourage our children to use these times for prayer they can mature in Christ through them. Usually, they will pray hard that they will find favor with the special one. Whether this prayer is granted or not, it is usually a time of great spiritual exercise with the Lord and may be the first time the child has ever been taken with such a serious matter. Once in a while an event may occur in which a wrong decision will have severe consequences. As a father you must be watching and intervene where necessary. I’m going to go into that shortly, but let me make one last point: The world has made ship-wreck of the teenage phenomenon. Don’t you agree? They don’t know how to deal with it. It is a good thing for the saved. It will do the unsaved no good, because they do not have God’s in-put. God gave puberty to His people. He set it up so that Christian kids who have been prepared by Christian parents can use it to make the transition from a little person, who gets instructions from God through Dad, to one who gets his instructions directly from God. As Christians we can understand what goes on in this world much better than can the unconverted. The newspaper makes much more sense to one who knows God and His Word than to an unbeliever. What we see in the world’s wretched teen culture is their attempt to deal with this interval in human development. Use your understanding to help your teen see that, and you will help him or her a great deal.
SOME GUIDELINES
Don’t stop having Bible Time. It gets difficult when schedules are awry. The very activities you wanted them to do now take them away from the table. Okay. Keep on reading and praying. If you can’t see a way to move this to another time slot when everyone is present, just maintain what you have. Whoever is there, will benefit. Those who are away will too. How? They know that while they have been excused, there still are people at home who are meeting God while they are practicing basketball or whatever. You need to make sure they know they shouldn’t feel guilty about this. But they will start to consider priorities. They will weigh things and as time goes by they are going to realize that even though they have to be at work or at band practice or some other earth-oriented activity there is a an eternal activity that is going on at the same time. They will know this would be an eternally valuable place to be even though they have permission to be away. This is where they start to become convinced that spiritual things are more valuable than earthly things. And they will come to that conclusion without you nagging them — a means of imparting wisdom of dubious value.
Kids will do a lot of thinking. They consider the issues of life and come to conclusions very early, and they continue on, sometimes revising; sometimes confirming earlier insights. As a dad you want to share the thoughts you are thinking with them. This stimulates their thought processes and nudges them like a shepherd’s crook into the green grass and away from the edge. You should have been doing this from the time they were old enough to talk. Remember. Respect their minds. `
Tell them truths. Show them the Biblical basis whenever possible. Tell them what you wonder about and what some of your suppositions are. This gives guidance. You have been telling them about the things you are praying about and looking for answers to for some years now. Keep it up and keep telling them you are praying for them. Ask them if there is anything they would like included in your prayers. What bonding this creates! It does if you have been faithful to do it all through their growing years.
I know that many teens turn their backs on godly dads even though they were faithful in their responsibilities as the Bible has outlined. You just have to keep on. Don’t abandon now the things that you have done for so many years. Just as you have to keep punishing a misbehavior in a five-year-old until it seems that it will never be extinguished; suddenly, you see success. They will love you even more for it, Dad. Truly.
Now it’s time for more choices. Let them know each time they have reached a plateau. Tell them that now they don’t have to ask anymore about this or that. Tell them, for instance that they don’t have to tell you where they are going after school, but that you would like to know in case you need them or someone calls or whatever. You should be able to do this if you have been bringing them up right. As I related earlier, I told my thirteen-year-old daughter that I would not be punishing her anymore. She was so sweet and so responsible and so Godly. I knew she didn’t know it. So, I told her. I said that she was finished. A complete work of art. She didn’t need any more correction. From now on she should pray and read about her character and morality; confess to God and ask Him to guide her and convict her.
She was a rare one. I couldn’t do that with any other of my kids. I had to keep correcting one of them until he was twenty-one! Actually, I still did correct her some. But the approach was different. It was more on an adult level. My telling her that she was “done” had an astounding effect. She grew years in a day. She was so surprised and pleased. It also went a long way toward convincing her that Dad is usually right about things. You see, she thought she was grown up. Most kids do. They even tell us, don’t they? She didn’t. Not once. But she thought she was. My telling her she was showed her that I was wise and knowing. If I realized this great truth, what other stores of knowledge must I be privy to! It went a long way to getting her through the next years and keeping her virginity so she could wear that white dress and marry a boy who wore a white tux.
The more choices you can give them, the more experience they will have with the Lord. Of course there is nothing you can do to insure that they go to God about these choices other than what you have in-put to them all through the years. That’s the beauty of it. You don’t have to force anything. Now, your biggest power over them is in prayer for them.
posted by Biblical Christianity at 12:56 AM
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